The Four-Patch Formulation
by FifthAttempt
Summary: Meemaw decides to extend her visit by a month. Her purpose? To teach Amy how to make "Moonpie" happy. Will Amy survive. Will she get by with a little help from her friends?
1. Chapter 1

Meemaw's visit, originally intended to be for a long weekend, was extended by a month. Sheldon was delighted beyond measure. Amy, not so much.

While the difficulties between them had been somewhat smoothed over, Amy was well aware that she was, at best, Sheldon's probationary girlfriend and, therefore, subject to termination at Meemaw's discretion – even in spite of Sheldon's professed love for her. Meemaw was, after all, Meemaw forever; she'd only been Sheldon's girlfriend for five years. It would be hard to keep from offending Meemaw for the month she'd decided to stay.

So, when Meemaw announced, without preamble, that she was making a quilt and Amy was helping her, there was really nothing Amy could do except smile a sickly smile and nod.

She made the token protest, "Mrs. Cooper, I'd love to help, but I've never made a quilt before. And, really, I don't even know how to sew. My own grandmother tried to teach me, but I was only seven and the sewing machine was really intimidating."

Meemaw, of course, brushed her pro-forma objections aside. "Sewing is easy and a quilt is not the same as clothing. And who said we're using a machine? We're hand piecing and hand quilting, it's the best way to learn." Then she clinched it. "If you want to make Sheldon happy, you'll help me with this quilt. Then, you can make a quilt on your own. One that, _if you're lucky_ , you can put on your marriage bed. If spending time alone with me is the issue, you can invite a couple of your girlfriends. That Penny girl is nice and there's that little bit of a thing who's married to the Jewish boy – I hear she's in the family way, maybe she'll want to make something for her baby."

Amy grabbed the unexpected lifeline. "Ok. What do we do first?"

"First, you call your friends and ask them over here tomorrow night right after you all get off work. You can help me make us some supper, and then we'll get to quilting." Meemaw smiled in pleasant expectation. "I'll find us some nice fabric. It'll be a real simple pattern – a four-patch block, so you shouldn't have any trouble with it."

"Should I ask Sheldon if he and the guys have anything planned for tomorrow? They might need to use the apartment."

"Oh, pshaw. My Moonpie is a good boy, he'll let his Meemaw use the apartment tomorrow night and for all the Friday nights and the weekends, too, while I'm here. I've already talked to him."

"Weekends?"

"For sure. I think we'll have some quilting parties while I'm here. Maybe that Indian boy would like to come. He seems like the kind who'd like quilting. You can call him, too."

Amy, resigned, made the calls.

Penny and Bernadette agreed, with reservations, to attend the Friday night session, but were wary of committing for the whole weekend or the other weekends involved. Raj, however, was eager to come, not only that weekend, but for all the projected weekends. He even volunteered to bring fabric and refreshments.

Friday night arrived in spite of Amy's attempts to keep it from happening. She was in the kitchen with Meemaw learning how to make smothered pork chops and fried potatoes "just the way my Moonpie likes them". She volunteered to make a salad because, otherwise, there wasn't a green vegetable in sight (except for fried okra, which Amy could tell, right away, she was going to despise). The salt and cholesterol in this meal alone was, she decided, probably going to take at least ten years off her life-expectancy.

She had just finished tossing the salad, when she heard someone at the door.

Raj bustled in, overloaded with bags and boxes. He'd even drafted Penny and Bernadette, who he'd met on his way in, to help carry things.

"I'm so glad I met you on the way up. I was thinking I was going to have to make a couple of trips. You've saved me a lot of trouble." He settled most of the bags on and by the coffee table; the rest he took into the kitchen. "Mrs. Cooper, Amy told me you were cooking dinner so I took the liberty of bringing some appetizers and dessert." He emptied the bags, revealing a crudité platter, which he had carefully put together himself, a fruit platter, and two pies, pecan and peach, which he had, again, made himself, and a quart of vanilla ice cream.

After arranging the food on the island, he retreated to the living area and started emptying the bags in there. He eventually had a neat stack of brightly colored silk fabrics, some batik, batting, threads, needles, seam rippers, rotary cutters, rulers, mats, and, given pride of place, a sewing machine.

Penny, in the meantime, had excused herself and gone across the hall to her place where she fortified herself with a glass of wine. She picked up the bottle, then an extra, and went back to 4B. She readied herself for what she thought was going to be a long evening. Bernadette was already settled on the end of the couch closest to the door with a glass of sparkling cider and a plate of raw veggies and fruit.

Amy and Meemaw had, in the meantime, finished putting the food on serving platters and arranged them on the island with the food Raj had brought.

Meemaw beamed at them, "come on and eat, don't be shy, there's plenty and then some." She looked at Bernadette, "come on dearie, I know you're eating for two, and raw vegetables and fruit aren't going to be enough – little bit of a thing like you."

Bernadette glared at Amy, who shrugged. You couldn't fight Meemaw.

They had eaten far more than was comfortable, finding it hard to resist Meemaw's injunction to "have just a little more, you've hardly had enough to keep body and soul together." Indeed, Amy was dangerously close to falling asleep as she scraped plates while Penny and Bernadette loaded the dishwasher and Raj stored the leftovers.

Meemaw, still bright and chipper, was in the living area going through the fabric that both she and Raj had brought. "Rajesh, are you sure you want to use these for a quilt?" She held a piece of beautiful red and gold silk in one hand and a blue and green cotton batik in the other.

Raj beamed, delightedly. "They're bits and pieces of sari silks and cottons. My sister, Priya, brought them with her when she came to visit and didn't want to take them home with her. She said I could do what I wanted with them. They've been in storage for over a year."

"Well, they certainly are pretty." She looked at the rest of the supplies he had brought. "What on earth are all these things?" She gingerly touched a rotary cutter. "I've always just cut my cloth with scissors and sewed the pieces together. I never used any of this fancy stuff."

"I watched Eleanor Burns on YouTube. She says that accuracy is absolutely necessary for quilting."

"Oh, pshaw." This seemed to be a favorite phrase for Meemaw. "I can be just as accurate with my scissors and a tape measure as she can with all her mats, rulers, and tools. 'Sides, I'm not one to be fussy about things." Amy looked heavenward and sighed deeply. Meemaw continued, "You all seem to have the kitchen under control, so why don't we start this little shindig?

Meemaw started explaining what a four-patch was. It was, she said, both simple and versatile. She quickly cut pieces of different colored fabrics and dealt them out like cards until everyone, herself included, had four pieces each.

"Now just arrange those pieces in any four-square combination you like. If you don't like the colors you have you can swap. Once that's done, turn them wrong side up and use something, pen, pencil, whatever you like, to mark a quarter-inch line down one side of each piece. Now put two of them right side together, seam lines matching. Pick up that needle and thread and start sewing them together. Use little stitches and try to keep them the same size."

Raj and Meemaw finished stitching their squares at the same time. Amy, surprisingly, wasn't far behind, and neither was Penny. Bernadette, while last to finish, handed over a very neatly sewn block.

Meemaw looked over the blocks critically. She looked at Raj and shook her head, his was nearly as precise as hers. He beamed at her. Amy's stitches were neat and tiny, which surprised Meemaw. "You sure you've never sewn before? You have a neat hand and a good eye."

Amy smirked slightly. "I've never sewn fabric. In Anatomy and Physiology, I was the one who had to put the cadavers back together for the next class."

Meemaw cringed slightly. "Well, I'm sure we don't really need to talk about that." She handed Amy's block back quickly. "Well, Penny, yours looks nice." Penny's work was neat, the stitches weren't as small as Amy's, but were serviceable. Bernadette's block also met with approval.

"You all surely sew very neat seams. Where did you learn to do so well? We know Amy's story, but what about the rest of you?"

Penny answered first, "I grew up on a farm. All of us were expected to learn to sew and cook. I never did get cooking, but if I wanted cute clothes, I either had to make them or alter the ones I bought, so I learned to sew, both on a machine and by hand, out of pure necessity. Don't tell Leonard, please."

"It was pretty much the same here." Bernadette responded, "Not the farm part, the sewing part. I'm short so, it was nearly impossible to get clothes in my size. If they were short enough, they were too tight. If they fit properly, they were too long. It was easier to make my own than to buy and alter them. And, what Penny said, don't tell my husband. Howie does cosplay and he'd want me to make all his costumes."

All three turned to look at Raj, expectantly.

Raj looked back, like a deer in headlights. After several seconds, he answered. "I do cosplay, too. If I want the costumes done right, I have to make my own. Please, tell Howard you sew, Bernadette, I'm tired of making his costumes."

Bernadette smiled sweetly and shook her head. "Raj, if you say anything to him, I'll tell Emily about Claire."

Raj lapsed into a pout.

The rest of the evening went well. The conversation was easy and they learned not only how piece the blocks together, but to measure and cut as well. At the end, they had a tidy pile of four-patch blocks in varied but pleasing color combinations.

"Now, tomorrow, we're going to make single squares to match the four-patches in size and then we're going to sew them all together, so we'll have larger four-patch blocks made up of the single squares and the four patch squares. This has been such fun for me, so I hope you'll all come back. I figure we won't make it too early, since Penny and Bernadette have their husbands to look after. How about in the afternoon, say at one o'clock? We can work on this for a couple of hours, say until four. That way the married gals can get home in time to cook supper for their husbands." She looked pointedly at Amy, "And Amy and I can get dinner for Shelly. Raj, I'm sure that if you wanted to stay and eat with us, it would be no problem." She smiled brightly at all of them. She wasn't going to take no for an answer. "We can just put all of this to one side - neatly - and it'll be ready to go."

The next afternoon, Penny, Bernadette, who had NOT looked after their husbands (who, indeed, were eagerly anticipating a wife-free afternoon and had promised to take both women out for dinner that evening), and Raj showed up at one o'clock on the dot. Amy was already there and Sheldon had just left with Leonard to join Howard and for an afternoon at the comic book store and, possibly, a movie.

Meemaw brought a tray with two frosty pitchers and glasses to the coffee table. "I made us some fresh lemonade and some sweet tea, quilting can be thirsty work."

Raj put a box that he had been carrying down next to the pitchers, "I bought a selection of cupcakes from that new bakery down the street." He started reciting the flavors, "There's mint mocha, peaches and cream, green tea, pecan praline…" He trailed off as Meemaw looked at him.

"Thank you, Raj." Amy smiled. "I think the green tea sounds delicious." She picked one out of the box and put it on a napkin next to her glass.

Meemaw started, "now you all get comfortable. I want to see if we can put together all or most of the top today. If we can, then we can spend the next three Saturdays quilting – that's the part that really takes the longest. I looked over the cloth that you brought, Raj, and I think there's enough of the green and blue cotton to make the backing. And, even though I usually use an old blanket, that batting you brought will do; it shouldn't go to waste." She paused and then went on. "I had thought to do this for the whole weekend for the next month, but, as tomorrow's Sunday, I figured you all had family obligations and would need that time for goin' to church, or whatever you do," she looked at Raj, "spending time with your folks, and cooking Sunday supper. I know you married gals lead busy lives."

Penny and Bernadette indulged in a little eye-roll while Meemaw was busy with some fabric. Sunday, for them, was going to be spent sleeping in, having breakfast at IHOP, and generally being domestically unproductive. Amy wasn't so lucky; Meemaw had decreed a day of baking and cooking in which she would teach Amy everything she needed to know about pleasing "her Moonpie", at least culinarily. Amy had protested that she had things she needed to do at home, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, but Meemaw had brushed her objections aside –she could bring her laundry with her and do it while they cooked and, as an unmarried woman, she surely wasn't so messy, busy, or such a big eater, that she couldn't let it go for one day. And, in any case, as little as she would have to do, she could easily catch up after work during the week. Amy stifled a sigh and contemplated breaking it off with Sheldon just so she could escape from his grandmother.

The afternoon passed quickly. They had completed piecing all the blocks together, put on the border, and cut a bias binding from one of the large pieces that Raj had brought. It was nearer five than four when they finally tidied up and left: except for Amy. Amy was staying to help Meemaw cook for her Shelly.

When Amy got home that night, the first thing she did was check her accrued vacation time. It was too late to ask for Monday as a vacation day, but, she decided, she would ask for Friday, the following Monday and the next three Mondays, plus another week after Meemaw left. It was the only way she was going to get through the month without killing herself – or Meemaw.

She had to admit, though, making the quilt, even by hand, was fun and relaxing. She enjoyed choosing the color combinations and putting them together – it was both creative and exacting, a combination she appreciated. She noted that even Penny and Bernadette were having a good time and had made no objection to coming back for the subsequent sessions. She had no illusions that they would be returning in support of her; they were friends, but, like everyone, they had their limits and if Meemaw's class proved to be too onerous, they would make their excuses, leaving her alone with Meemaw – and Raj.

Penny and Bernadette were enjoying dinner with their husbands, chatting about Meemaw's lessons and how much they were enjoying them and how much Meemaw seemed to enjoy them as well – especially when she let go with one of her zingers at Amy.

Penny was talking about how much Mrs. Cooper either loved or hated Amy, she wasn't sure which, when she stopped for a moment, with a look like a flash going off. "Bernie, we should be taking some of the pressure off Amy. Sheldon's grandmother is running her ragged." Bernadette nodded, warily, in agreement. "We could, at very least, make Friday dinner a potluck, each of us bringing something so Amy can relax a little."

Bernadette relaxed a little. "I'll agree with that. Meemaw is a great cook, but everything is just too rich and heavy. I'm going to swell up like a pig if I keep eating her food. But, you don't cook."

"I can do a couple of things. And if nothing else, I can get take-out and replate it. The idea is to get her to cut Amy a little slack. Hey, maybe we can horn in on the Sunday home ec. lessons, too. Us new brides need to learn how to 'please our husbands'. That sort of thing. Hell, I might even learn something."

"Well, maybe I could do that for a couple of Sundays, but I do like to spend time with Howie."

"Ok. It's settled. Tomorrow, I'm going to crash the cooking lesson." Penny looked satisfied.

"Well", Bernadette looked thoughtful, "Tomorrow we _are_ spending the day with my parents, but next Sunday would be ok."

Howard and Leonard tried hard not to smile. They liked being married. They loved their wives. But these breaks, even though they frequently involved Sheldon, were precious and they were going to enjoy them to the hilt. Besides, Leonard thought, if Penny learned to cook even one thing, it would be a bonus.

Meemaw looked surprised, and none too pleased, when Penny showed up on Sunday.

"Mrs. Cooper, I mentioned to Leonard that you were teaching Amy how to cook all Sheldon's favorites and that I would love to learn some of your recipes, especially things like cake and cookies. He really liked the idea, so if you it doesn't bother you, I'd like to join you and Amy. Oh, and Bernie said she talked to Howard about it and, even though they're spending the day with her folks today, she'd like to come next Sunday. Howard really liked the idea, too." Penny smiled brightly.

An even bigger surprise knocked on the door. Raj had arrived carrying bags of groceries. He beamed at everyone. "I know I wasn't expected, but I thought, if no one has a problem with it, that I would like to learn to cook Mrs. Cooper's Texas-style recipes and, in exchange, I could provide some groceries and teach everyone some Indian dishes. It could be a culinary exchange." He looked quite proud of himself.

Meemaw's displeasure evaporated. She was, after all, a natural teacher and if these young folks wanted her wisdom, she would be only too happy to share it.

Amy suddenly felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She knew Penny well enough to realize that this had nothing to do with whatever Meemaw could teach her and everything to do with their friendship. It took everything she had to keep from crying and hugging Penny. She grinned at Penny. "I'm so happy you're here, Bestie." Penny smiled back.

Somewhere in the night, Penny had come to the realization that Meemaw was not too old to learn a few lessons herself: lessons about people, empathy, karma, and not always following the rules (she was beginning to see where Sheldon might have come by some of his rigidity and egotism). Penny was not so arrogant as to assume that she could teach the older woman anything, but she figured that between the four of them (she included Raj because she knew he was basically decent and she suspected that he was there for the same reason she was, because he cared about Amy) they could help create a circumstance or two that would … open Meemaw up to some of those lessons.( If the "class" was successful, she thought she might apply some of their teaching techniques to Leonard's mother.)

They bustled around the small kitchen, learning how to make Tex-Mex chili and cornbread, a real favorite, as Meemaw said, of her Moonpie's. There was a fervent discussion of whether real chili had beans, or meat, or both, or neither (being, in that case, essentially a sauce made of tomatoes, onions and chili peppers) and how hot it was supposed to be. Penny was relieved that Meemaw was of the KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid) persuasion when making the dish – it was virtually foolproof. (In case there is an interest in the recipe {which is my own East Texas-born mother-in-law's recipe] I'll include it at the end of the story).

The day had been a good one, interesting and productive, and with her friends there, Amy had been spared a good bit of Meemaw's attention. There had still been some pointed comments directed at Amy, but they hadn't connected with any real force. As good as the day had been, it had been long and busy and everyone was only too pleased to go home – except Amy. She had to stay and eat chili and cornbread with Meemaw and Sheldon. Finally, after cleaning up and pleading an early day at work, she managed to excuse herself. She was surprised when Sheldon offered to walk her to her car.

When they reached her car, he gave her a pro-forma kiss on the cheek and an awkward hug. Meemaw, he explained, would be looking out the window and would expect some affectionate activity – just not _too_ affectionate. He then opened the door to her car and held it as she got in. He continued to hold it open even after her seat belt was fastened and she turned the key to start the engine.

"What do you want, Sheldon?"

"I want you to know how much I … appreciate … what you're doing for Meemaw. I know she can be hard to get along with if she isn't sure she likes someone and I know she hasn't been exactly respectful towards you. You've been unfailingly pleasant and tolerant of her even though I know she's hurt your feelings. Thank you. Oh, and you don't have to make those dishes she's trying to teach you to cook very often, or even at all. They were childhood favorites and not all of have them remained favorites."

This unexpected and uncharacteristic grace from Sheldon nearly sent Amy into shock. She gaped after him as he retreated into the building.

Amy had managed to get the vacation time she needed. She had spent that Friday catching up on sleep, housework, and laundry. With some time to spare, she had gone to the library and checked out some books on quilting – history and techniques –and had found the reading both interesting and informative.


	2. Chapter 2

That evening Amy arrived at Sheldon's apartment to find that Penny, Bernadette, and Raj were already there and had taken over the kitchen, leaving Meemaw to wonder what had happened. Penny had stopped at Boston Market on her way home from work and picked up a rotisserie chicken and gravy, which she had replated. Bernadette had made a pasta dish and garlic bread, and Raj had made samosas and nan. Meema had protested, insisting that it was all unnecessary, that she and Amy would have no problem fixing a nice supper, but Penny demurred. "It's no biggie, Mrs. Cooper. We just figured that if we made it sort of a potluck, we could start quilting that much sooner." She smiled. It was hard for Meemaw to resist Penny's infectious smile. "I see you have potatoes on the stove. Were you going to make mashed potatoes? That would be so great with the chicken." She looked at Amy and winked. "Amy, could you toss a salad? Hmmm, did anyone think about dessert?"

Meemaw recovered her composure. "Well, I did bake a pecan cake earlier today. We could have that. If you all like it, I can show you how to make when you come over on Sunday." She nodded, "I was planning on teaching you all how to make Southern Fried Chicken, mashed potatoes, biscuits, and green beans with ham hock."

"Mmmm, that sounds so good. It sounds like something my mother makes. I bet it doesn't taste the same, though." Penny danced around the little kitchen putting the finishing touches on her platter of chicken and being pleased when Raj pulled paper plates and napkins, plastic spoons, forks, and knives, and plastic cups out of one of the bags he had brought in. "Cleanup will be a breeze, won't it. This will be just like a picnic, only indoors."

Amy finished making the salad just a few minutes before Meemaw finished mashing the potatoes. Penny was right, with everyone contributing to the dinner and virtually no cleanup, they added an extra hour on to their quilting time. Even Meemaw couldn't complain.

The rest of the evening was spent tweaking some issues on the quilt top, making the quilt sandwich (arranging the top, the batting, and the backing, and pinning or basting everything together), and arranging it in a makeshift frame which would hold it tight so they could stitch without undue difficulty. Meemaw showed them how to sew a simple design on the quilt that would be both utilitarian and attractive. "Try to match your stitch length to mine so we can keep it uniform and remember, the design will show on both sides of the quilt so we have to keep it pretty. It's not like embroidery or cross-stitch where, no matter how hard you work at it, it still looks like the wrong side. Both sides have to look like the right side."

As they finished up for the evening, Penny ventured a suggestion to Meemaw. "Mrs. Cooper, last week you and Amy spent so much time working on dinner before we came over, and you were ready to do the same tonight. Instead of you and Amy doing the cooking for everyone, why don't we continue to make it a potluck, like we did tonight. Only instead of bringing random things, why don't we each cook one of the dishes you'll be teaching us on Sunday - kind of like homework? That way we can save you work and show you and each other what we've learned."

Meemaw couldn't argue with the pragmatic Penny.

Amy, having had Friday largely to herself and faced with a similar Monday, was on the border of euphoria. She was even ready to hug Meemaw if it was required. What had started out to be a burden of, as she saw it, nearly Biblical proportions was turning into … _fun_. She was bonding with her friends and it hadn't required that she make the first move. Sheldon had actually expressed appreciation for her attempts to befriend his grandmother: a real first for him. Meemaw was another story, she was still getting in little digs and showing passive-aggressive anger but, with her friends around her, Amy could shrug that off. She was … happy.

The weekend passed without incident but with an epiphany for Amy. They got about a quarter of the quilt done. The cooking lessons were a success – though Meemaw did differ from her daughter-in-law in that instead of lard, she used butter and instead of cream, she used buttermilk. She explained that butter was trickier than lard because it had a far lower burning point, but had a far better flavor. Butter, she hypothesized, was for real cooks, lard was just for people in a hurry and not wanting to take the time.

Amy realized then that, if she and Sheldon stayed together, she would be subject to little subtle criticisms from Meemaw for as long as Meemaw lived. Her respect for Mary Cooper grew considerably as she understood what Sheldon's mother had tolerated for most of her adult life. For reasons that even she couldn't explain, this made her feel more relaxed. To everyone's surprise, Amy had started humming as she worked. They all stared at her. Feeling their eyes on her, she turned to face them "What? Is something wrong? Did I grow an extra head?"

Amy's turning point was not a turning point for Meemaw. She continued on as if she hadn't noticed the change of attitude. Penny and the others did notice, however.

Later during the week, when Penny, Bernadette, and Amy met for an impromptu lunch, Penny asked about the humming and the suddenly diminished stress levels.

"I just realized that Meemaw will probably never completely accept me in Sheldon's life, no matter how hard I try. And, I realized it's not personal. She never really fully accepted Sheldon's mother – and, again, it wasn't personal. It's simply that no woman is good enough for her babies, and there will always be something for her to fault – whether it's the use of lard instead of butter or the insistence on being treated with some degree of respect. If I want to be with Sheldon, I'll have to deal with it, so I might as well relax. It's one of her faults and it's not the worst fault a person can have. Anyway, I think I can manage the next couple of weeks with her, so if you really want to, you can stop coming to the quilting parties and cooking lessons." Amy paused, "But, I'd really like it if you continued, it does help."

Penny and Bernadette exchanged looks. "Well," Bernadette spoke, "I'd like to continue coming to the quilting things, I really want to see how it turns out, but the cooking lessons are kind of cutting into family time with Howie and by family time I mean time for me to rest – this whole pregnancy business is making me really tired – all the damned time. I'll think about it. Maybe I'll skip next Sunday and come for the last session. And you know Raj will always be there because he's, well, you know, Raj."

"I'll be there for the rest of the quilting parties and the cooking lessons," Penny responded. "I'm finding that I like the quilting. I might even do some on my own. Though I'll be damned if I do it by hand ever again. And, as for the cooking lessons – it's not like I don't need to learn a few things, so, unless something comes up, I'll be there. So, now, let's decide – who's doing the fried chicken?"

They all concurred – Raj would do the fried chicken.

They flew through the next two weeks. The quilt was finished and bound, and they all agreed that the simple four-patch pattern, with its scrappy variety of colors and patches, the border that tied it all together, the backing, and elegantly simply pattern of stitches in the quilting itself, was beautiful. The question, they decided, was who did it belong to? Meemaw had a simple solution. Since they had all been taking cooking lessons as well as quilting lessons, the women (and Raj) would select two dishes from the Sunday lessons to prepare and they would give a dinner party inviting the husbands/boyfriend/girlfriend(s) of the respective cooks. Meemaw would keep the master list so only she would know who cooked what and the spouses/significant others would judge what was best. The best cook would keep the quilt. Since Meemaw was leaving on Tuesday, the dinner would be on Monday, giving them that final Sunday for one more cooking lesson.

Monday was hectic for all concerned. Amy and Raj had taken over the kitchen in Sheldon's apartment and Penny and Bernadette were using the kitchen in Penny's place. Meemaw scooted back and forth between kitchens, giving pointers and advice where needed. It was noted that she gave Raj the least input.

The final menu was:

Amy – Country-fried steak with cream gravy and black-eyed peas

Bernadette – Green beans with ham hock and pecan cake

Penny – Tex/Mex chili and corn bread

Raj – Southern Fried chicken and mashed potatoes

Meemaw, as a surprise, made a huge green salad with the vinaigrette dressing that she had, apparently, learned from watching Amy. In addition, she had provided her homemade lemonade and sweet tea.

The heart-attack inducing feast was arranged on the island in Sheldon's apartment and the guests were asked to take a sample of everything. Howard, Leonard, Sheldon, and Claire dutifully complied. When they had served themselves and taken their seats, Meemaw explained the contest to them. They had a list of the dishes given to them and were asked to rate the dishes from 1 through 10: 1 being too terrible for words and 10 being food fit for the gods. Sheldon would tally the results and Meemaw would compare them with the master list and announce the winner.

The results were

Country fried steak with cream gravy – 9

Black-eyed peas -6 (as someone said, black-eyed peas are an acquired taste)

Green beans with ham hock – 10

Pecan cake – 5 (one person noted that it was too dry)

Tex/Mex chili – 10

Corn bread -7

Southern fried chicken – 9

Mashed potatoes – 8

When Meemaw announced that there was a tie and the two participants would have to have a cook-off, everyone went silent.

"We'll keep it simple," Meemaw said. "It'll be something quick to do, using leftovers. They get to choose the leftovers they use and what they're going to do with them. Raj, Penny, get going."

Penny, the supposed worst cook in the group had tied with Raj, the best cook in the group.

The two headed for the mashed potatoes. They managed to divide them equally and went to work.

In short order, Raj had produced potato samosas with a curry dipping sauce and Penny had made mashed potato pancakes with applesauce.

The judges were unanimous. Raj had overthought his dish, the pancakes were the winner.

Penny, the worst cook alive, had won the quilt.

Meemaw decreed that the "guests" would clean up – the cooks had done well and deserved a break.

Meemaw's flight left at 10:00 am. Sheldon had a meeting at 8:00 (which he had tried, and failed, to get out of – he was, as a result, quite out of sorts), so he got up an hour earlier than usual to say his good-byes to Meemaw before Amy arrived to take her to the airport. By the time she arrived he was very cranky, though, to his credit, he didn't let it affect his farewells to his beloved grandmother.

After Amy dropped Sheldon at the University (he had surprised her with a peck on the cheek as he exited the car), the two women drove, in silence, to the airport. Strangely, it was a comfortable silence.

Meemaw broke the silence as they neared the airport. "Amy, could you please park and walk in with me? I'll pay for the parking. And, no, it's not just because I need help with my luggage."

Here it comes, thought Amy. I've failed her silly tests and she's going to insist that I break it off with her Moonpie.

The two walked, again in silence, into the terminal. After checking her baggage, Meemaw spoke. "Let's stop and have a nice cup of tea before I go through that dreadful TSA nonsense. You and I need to have a little chat."

"I don't think there is such a thing as a 'nice' cup of tea here , but ok."

Meemaw chuckled. "You may be right about the tea, still, we need to talk." Meemaw continued without letting Amy get in even one grunt. "This month has been a learning experience for me, dear. I've learned that you have a spine but aren't pushy. I've learned that you're patient and even-tempered, but that you do have a breaking point. I've learned that you have loyal and good friends. And I've learned to make a really tasty salad dressing that I'm going to use a lot." There was a short pause, but before Amy could respond, she continued. "I really intended for you to have the quilt, you know. If Moonpie asks you to marry him, and he's lucky enough to have you say yes, I'll make one for your wedding gift – a double wedding ring quilt. I hope he does ask and I hope you say yes. You, see, we're not supposed to admit it, us grandparents, but we do have favorites and he's mine. I'd like to see him have children so I can have more great-grand babies to spoil before I die." She smiled.

"Mrs. Cooper, I…."

"You can call me Meemaw, dear."

"Meemaw, I .." she couldn't finish. She looked like she was about to break into tears, then she threw her arms around Meemaw and gave her a fierce hug. Meemaw hugged back.

"Amy, this isn't a promise that I'll be easy on you or leave off being who I am. It's just me saying that I'm pretty sure my grandson isn't going to be able to do any better than you and you better prove me right or I'll let you know about it in no uncertain terms." She pulled a tissue from her sleeve and handed it to Amy. "Best not let Sheldon see those, he hates tears." She grabbed her purse and carry-on. "Well, I'd best get through that TSA gauntlet. You take care of my Moonpie, you hear?" Amy nodded.

As Meemaw got in the long, depressing TSA line, she turned, smiled, and waved at Amy. Amy smiled and waved back.


	3. Meemaw's TexMex Chili

Meemaw's Tex/Mex Chili

As promised.

Each generation makes improvements or additions

This is the way my Mother-in-law made it.

1 package pinto beans

1 piece of salt pork

Water

Salt to taste

Soak pinto beans overnight, rinse and sort. Put beans and salt pork in a soup kettle, cover with water (about an inch above the beans). Add salt to taste. Bring to a boil then reduce heat to a simmer. Cook until beans are tender adding water if needed.

1 lb ground beef

1 can (14-16 oz) whole tomatoes

1 onion coarsely chopped

Eagle Brand Chili Powder

Sweat the onions in vegetable oil or butter until translucent. Crumble the ground beef into the hot skillet and cook, stirring frequently, until almost cooked through. Break up the tomatoes while still in the can and add to the beef and onions. Stir in thoroughly. Add chili powder to taste. Stir in thoroughly. Simmer for about 15-20 minutes until the beef cooked through.

Add the beef mixture to the beans and simmer until the flavors meld.

I added chopped garlic, to taste, which I sauted with the onions. Instead of salt pork, I use a good meaty ham hock. When the beans are cooked through, I remove the hock, take the meat of the bone and put the meat back in with the beans. You can use regular ham with no bone, but the bone has more flavor.

Serve with add ins of chopped raw onion, grated cheese, chopped jalapenos, sour cream.


End file.
